4 years later, King Soopers shooting survivors still grapple with survivor’s guilt, grief and trauma: ‘I can’t go back and change anything’

In March, about four years after the King Soopers mass shooting, a study co-authored by a University of Colorado Boulder researcher found that about 7% of American adults will be on the scene of a mass shooting in their lifetime.

“That’s a pretty large number. It almost defies belief that it was so large, but really over the past year, when talking to police chiefs, victim advocates, street outreach workers, and young people embroiled in conflicts, you start to realize, well, maybe that number isn’t as shocking as you would be led to believe,” CU researcher David Pyrooz said.

Today, King Soopers survivors are still grappling with their trauma and grief.

On March 22, 2021, Logan Smith, a deli worker at the Table Mesa King Soopers, was subbing in at Starbucks kiosk inside the store. His best friend and co-worker, Denny Stong, had just stopped by on his day off to see Smith and was leaving the store when he was shot and killed.

Today, Smith, 24, hears Stong in his head: his laugh, his sarcastic comments. Smith said in his head, his friend’s voice has matured and is calmer than Smith remembers it, reflecting the four years since the shooting that ended the lives of 10 people.

“Living with that survivor’s guilt, that was the longest thing that took to heal — the acceptance that I can’t go back and change anything,” Smith said. “I can’t run over to Rikki before the shots come and shield her. I can’t tell Denny to not walk that way.”

Smith was one of about 120 people who left the store alive that day and, according to Pyrooz, is one in 15 American adults to be on the scene of a mass shooting in their lifetime.

‘Maybe that number isn’t as shocking as you would be led to believe’

Pyrooz, who co-authored the study, said researchers conducted a national survey to try to estimate lifetime exposure to mass shootings, defined as when four or more people are shot, including if the shooter is shot.

In the study, researchers wrote that for a person to be considered as on scene of a mass shooting, they must have been in the immediate vicinity of where the shooting occurred at the time it occurred — meaning bullets were fired in the person’s direction, they could see the shooter or they could hear the gunfire.

In the 2017 Las Vegas shooting in which 60 people were killed, 413 were injured by gunfire or shrapnel and another 454 were injured in the course of fleeing, Pyrooz said. There were 22,000 people in attendance at the concert, not including employees and contractors, Pyrooz said.

“The exposure numbers don’t feel as striking when you start breaking down these events,” he said.

In the study, about 2% of respondents said they had been injured during a mass shooting, which could include being shot, trampled by people fleeing or other types of injury.

According to the study, more than half of the survivors said the shooting they experienced happened in the last decade, and males and Black people were more likely to have witnessed a mass shooting than other sex or racial demographics.

The study, published by JAMA Network Open, also found income and education level had “no measurable impact” on the chances of being present or injured at a mass shooting. Those at the highest risk of being on scene of a mass shooting are of Generation Z.

‘You’re not surprised when a volcano erupts that things get set on fire’

Chris Tatum was working in the deli department when the King Soopers shooting occurred and ran back into the store three separate times throughout the course of the shooting to save people, including Elan Shakti, who was the only non-law enforcement victim injured but not killed as a result of the shooting.

Like Smith, who was the first to call 911 and helped his co-worker hide, Tatum said he doesn’t consider himself a hero and still struggles with survivor’s guilt.

“I helped a lot of people get out of the store, so I don’t — it’s hard to describe — I have a little bit of the survivor’s guilt and I’m proud of what I did, but it’s hard for me to say, ‘Oh, I was a hero’ or I did something truly brave,” Tatum said. “It was brave, but it’s hard for me to recognize that within myself.”

Tatum, whose parents both worked in law enforcement and taught him to always be aware of his surroundings, said when he heard the study’s findings, he wasn’t surprised.

“I felt like I was a little bit more prepared for an incident like this — not that I ever wanted to go through it, but the statistics on how many people are hurt, how many people lose their life within these incidents, isn’t surprising,” Tatum said. “There’s a lot of violence that gets pent up within a person that makes them want to take that violence out on others. In my mind, it’s like a volcano — you’re not surprised when a volcano erupts that things get set on fire.”

‘The people who were completely destroyed from it were pretty much forced to fend for themselves’

Along with the grief of the co-workers they lost, Tatum and Smith both said they’ve struggled mentally because of their trauma. Smith said the support for survivors has ebbed and flowed since the shooting.

“I wanted to reach the audience of the community as a witness there, as an employee there — I spoke to a lot of news agencies. That continued for a good two or three weeks after the shooting until the next mass shooting happened, and it was like a fad that turned into another fad,” Smith said. “The coverage stopped, the support slowly stopped and us witnesses were pretty much just thrown back into the world.”

Smith said he wishes Kroger and King Soopers would have provided more to survivors, such as company paid therapy or a lifelong pension.

“Obviously, they didn’t cause it, but the management of it — (the shooting) either completely drove us away from our jobs — the ones who wanted to return, returned. But the people who were completely destroyed from it were pretty much forced to fend for themselves. Kroger being a multibillion-dollar company, I think they could afford a small pension lifelong for the employees that were involved.”

Smith said he’s struggled with flashbacks and has previously found himself in a state of shock from cars backfiring and fireworks. In the first couple months, Smith struggled with sudden and uncontrolled twitching as a result of his trauma, which caused him to hit his head against a wall multiple times.

Tatum said his trauma has caused him to be more irritable and he’s always looking for the nearest exit in public places.

Pyrooz said he and his colleagues are currently researching how mass shootings impact the mental health of people who experience them in their communities or directly from being on the scene.

‘Their physical body might not be here anymore — they’re dust with the stars again or they’re below ground — but their spirit lives on forever’

Despite his flashbacks, Smith tries to focus on the silver linings, such as his relationships with others who have been impacted like Stong’s parents.

After the shooting, Stong’s father worked with Smith to fix up his son’s 2002 Chevrolet Blazer. In July 2021, on one blisteringly hot day, Smith finally finished fixing up the car.

The 24-year-old recalls getting in the driver’s seat, putting on Stong’s favorite Pink Floyd CD, and driving away with tears in his eyes.

“As you go through life,” Smith said, “at least from my perspective, the beautiful thing about it is that the ones you love, the ones you lose, their physical body might not be here anymore — they’re dust with the stars again or they’re below ground — but their spirit lives on forever.”