All 7 Blackstone holiday videos ranked

This video came out in December 2020, during the depths of the pandemic. It stuck to the theme it launched in 2018 of depicting Blackstone as a version of the NBC sitcom "The Office," but executives wore face masks and pandemic jokes featured prominently. In an early scene one Blackstone executive has a hard time recognizing a colleague with out-of-control long hair. (Remember when all the barber shops were closed?)

While it was a bleak time, the video ends on an upbeat note, with Blackstone employees cutting loose to "I'm Walking on Sunshine," kicking off the tradition of holiday video songs, which have featured prominently since. Still, it's a bit stuck in the pandemic era, hence its place at No. 7.

The conceit of this holiday season is fake news station "BX TV News" prompting Jon Gray to search for Blackstone's secret sauce. (It was a roundabout way for the firm to tout its plan to hit $1 trillion assets under management, which it has since achieved.)

Schwarzman returns to a role he often plays in these videos as the sincere elder statesman to explain that the firm's true secret sauce is its employees. But then, he notes that there is a secret hidden in the basement, setting two executives on an Indiana-Jones-referencing journey to find the scroll with the firm's secret. This weird twist is the highlight of the video.

The video successfully makes a number of self-deprecating jokes about Blackstone's love of acronyms (BCRED, anyone?) and Wall Street's notorious work hours. By 2022, however, the company has been going with "The Office" theme for four years, hence its ranking.

The budget for the holiday video clearly increased this year, with a storyline about the birth of BX TV, the firm's weekly video call that Gray is incredibly enthusiastic about (and employees, less so). There are animals, special effects, and a Reese Witherspoon cameo.

The key joke is a fake award ceremony where Gray receives "'Best Weekly Internal Zoom Call at an Alternative Asset Management firm." The hope is that it will convince the firm's president and chief operating officer that it's time to move on with John Finley, chief legal officer, saying, "I make one call to the FCC and they'll cancel this clown car."

Employees chant "end it," and celebrate as they think Gray has decided to cancel the show after winning the award. But instead, it's clear that 2022's BX TV season is already being planned, and the internal video call is still a weekly requirement at the firm.

Scranton, Pennsylvania, is a long way from Park Avenue in Midtown Manhattan, and Dunder Mifflin would be among its smallest portfolio companies, yet Blackstone successfully riffed off the NBC sitcom "The Office" for its first annual holiday video. The video begins with the theme music from the television show, and like "The Office," there is hand-held camera work and plenty of "candid" interviews with executives. There's also a Michael Scott look-alike. As with all the holiday videos that follow, this one starts with Jon Gray calling his executive assistant, Laurie Carlson.

This video started it all and set the tone for Blackstone's trademark style of mixing the firm's reality with jokes. The premise of the video is that Blackstone canceled its holiday party and replaced it with a video, which actually happened. And Jon Gray really does, sometimes, act a bit like Michael Scott in his enthusiasm for wild ideas, according to people who know him. There are fewer visual gags and no Hollywood cameos, but it's a classic.

The 2023's holiday video marked the first time Blackstone moved away from being a parallel version of "The Office" (only the title card remains). Instead, it's an homage to Taylor Swift and the Eras tour, with Blackstone trying to replicate her success with its own song about alternative investments.

This is video that broke into the wider world, spawning more than a few mocking tabloid headlines. But for a video series that's main goal is to help the firm laugh at itself, that's a measure of success. Add that this immortal line: "Just this once, I do hope people confuse us with BlackRock." Also, you get to see Steve Schwarzman dancing while wearing some glittery fringe top.

The 2019 holiday video revolves around Blackstone' absurd search for a company mascot, which turns out to be Mr. Stone, a mascot that looks like a cross of Hulk and Jon Gray. The international offices of Blackstone get cameos in this one, as does a plug for Steve Schwarzman's book, What It Takes: Lessons in the Pursuit of Excellence"

Gray told BI that this was his favorite in the series because of the mascot. The firm not only hired a company to build the mascot suit, but also made dozens of bobbleheads which still show up in holiday videos, and on some people's desks.

We agree that that the mascot joke works, hence its ranking.

This video also ends with one of the best Steve Schwarzman gags of the series, when it's revealed that Schwarzman has been the mysterious person inside Mr. Stone the whole time.

After last year's reception, leaned in to the cringe with a metaverse-like exploration of Blackstone executives as reality television stars that ends in a country song-and-dance routine.

It features appearances from famous friends. Larry Fink, CEO of BlackRock, which was originally created within Blackstone before spinning out in the 1990s, gets in a joke about how the two firms get confused for each other.

An extended "Real Housewives" bit includes some shade from Jenna Lyons, "Real Housewives of New York" star, fashion designer and executive creative director at Fundamental Co, a branding agency spun out of Blackstone last year.

The highlight, however, was billionaire founder and CEO Steve Schwarzman playing Kendall Jenner attempting to cut a cucumber, which has to be one of the most mind-bending images ever put on screen. (We are still struggling to fully process it.)

Gray told BI that the turn to country was inspired by Beyonce's own embrace of the genre this year on "Cowboy Carter", which came in the wake of her 2016 snub by the Country Music Awards. And just like Beyonce, some of the firm's best work comes when they don't let the critics stop them.