I raised 5 kids, but the world has changed so much since they were little. Still, I think I have wisdom to share.

• I raised five kids during the 90s, and obviously, the world has changed a lot since.
• My kids didn't have cellphones and we didn't worry about mass shootings in schools.
• Still, I think I have some advice to share now that my kids are raising teens.

Our oldest grandson will start middle school in the fall, and I've always assumed my advice on raising teens would be helpful to his parents, at least somewhat. After all, I raised five children; surely, my hard-earned wisdom would still be relevant.

But to say "times have changed" since my years parenting teenagers would be a huge understatement. The pace of change since the mid-'90s has been stunning.

Still, I think I have some knowledge to share.

So much has changed

When my kids were teenagers, it was pre-9/11, and Blockbuster was still a thing. Facebook wouldn't be invented for another nine years. To communicate online, my kids used AOL Instant Messenger — and on our family PC, with dial-up access. They had to make sure no one in the house was on the phone to chat with their friends.

Meeting their friends at the mall on Friday night was a big deal for my young teens. These get-togethers were dependent on parent drop-offs and pickups — and, without cellphones, we counted on everyone paying attention to the time.

The first mass school shooting wouldn't happen until Columbine in 1999. My teens' school building was unlocked all day, and I could run over to deliver a forgotten lunch or sports bag without elaborate front office check-ins.

Most kids could still look forward to attending college without crushing debt and being able to afford housing.

Life is different for my grandkids

Here's the world my grandkids are navigating in the mid-2020s as they enter their teen years, and it's a far different world than the one of their parents' adolescence.

They can't imagine air travel or attending a concert or other public event without going through security.

In 2024, there were 83 school shootings, and most school districts began active shooter drills in elementary schools. Even little ones know where to hide. Today's teens have lived through COVID, which affected every facet of their lives. My older grandsons were out of school for a year and a half. Their return to in-class education was a real challenge, and the effects of the pandemic will linger for years.

My grandkids have no memory of telephone landlines. While they are hoping to get flip phones in middle school, many of their friends already own smartphones. This makes it easy to arrange rides home but also to be victims of cyberbullying.

The costs of education and housing have skyrocketed in recent years. College tuition has increased 141% in the past 20 years, and housing costs have largely outpaced young adults' future job earnings (161% increase in home prices since 2005).

Here's my advice for raising teens, even in today's age

Keep the lines of communication open. My teens stopped spontaneously sharing their days, and I see that also starting to happen with my grandsons. There's a lot I don't understand, and admitting that to the kids is a good thing. They can be our guides; they're more likely to explain what's going on in their world if they know they won't be shut down with criticism. And when they get those phones, texting will likely become the main way they interact with us — as it is with their parents.

Don't overreact about clothing, hairstyles, tattoos and piercings. My teenagers experimented with piercings of various body parts, a rainbow of hair colors, and several tattoos. These are pretty benign forms of self-expression. The old arguments about their future careers don't resonate as they once did (in many fields, for example, being tattooed is common, and if it becomes an issue, the tattoos can always be covered up or removed later.)

It is vitally important to be honest about mental health, especially if there is a family history of mental illness. Having grown up in a generation where these issues were largely hidden, I decided to be completely open about my bipolar disorder. My children know what to watch for in themselves and to seek help when needed. My grandsons will know that, too. It is encouraging to see the stigma about therapy and medication lessening.

Volunteer with your teenagers. I served many meals to homeless folks and packed countless books for prisoners right alongside my teens. I look forward to continuing the tradition as my grandsons hit their teen years. Encourage them to find a cause that inspires them and to work for positive change. Action is a powerful antidote to hopelessness.

I am so happy to see my grandkids being raised really well. Big challenges are ahead, certainly, but I have faith that we (the kids, their parents, and yes, the grandparents) can overcome them together.