I'm an American mom in Italy. When I couldn't help my daughter with her homework, I realized how isolated I felt.
Caroline Chirichella moved to Italy 10 years ago. One day her 6-year-old needed help with homework. Caroline couldn't help and broke down crying.
Courtesy of Caroline Chirichella
- I love helping my daughter with her homework, but one day, I didn't understand an assignment.
- I'm an American mom living in Italy. I can communicate just fine but struggle with technical terms.
- The homework incident made me realize how isolated I sometimes feel as a mom in another country.
My 6-year-old daughter recently asked me to help with her homework, but it involved some words in Italian that I didn't know, so I didn't understand the assignment.
My daughter, bless her heart, tried to explain it to me, but I didn't understand her either. I was so upset, I broke down crying.
Let me explain: I'm American
I've been living in Italy for over 10 years and speak Italian very well. My two children — my daughter and my 1 ½-year-old son — were born in Italy and my daughter is fluent in both English and Italian.
However, no matter how good my Italian may be, it's still my second language, and there are words that I don't know.
For example, I don't fully grasp technical terms that appear in my daughter's school work and often ask her to translate them for me.
So when I had trouble doing something as simple as helping her with her homework, it really upset me.
I love the idea of helping my daughter with her homework; it makes me so happy to see her learning and thriving. It was difficult to admit that I could no longer do that.
I have since delegated most homework help to my husband, who's Italian, because I don't want to steer my daughter in the wrong direction.
The homework incident made me realize how isolated I can feel as an American mom in Italy
Being a mom can be isolating on its own, but I also work from home. I have Italian mom friends, but even then, when we all speak, I sometimes get lost in the conversation since Italians speak very quickly.
One day, when my daughter had two of her best friends over, the moms joined as well. We all sat enjoying our espresso and biscotti and chatting.
After about 20 minutes, though, I felt lost. I was still participating in the conversation, but I didn't feel like I could express myself in Italian the way I'd be able to if I were speaking English.
This makes me feel like a bit of an outsider in the group even though the other moms are very friendly and supportive.
I love living in Italy, but I have to admit that I struggle as a mom here. I don't have my friends from childhood with me. We talk via Zoom and texts, but it's not the same as that in-person connection.
I sometimes wonder what it would be like raising my children in America
I certainly wouldn't struggle with the language, and homework help wouldn't be as much of an issue. Chatting with other moms would also come more easily.
However, my life is in Italy. I have no intention of ever returning to the US — except for vacation. We have set down roots here, and that's how I want it to stay.
While the homework incident upset me, I can accept it. Overall, I love living in Italy. I've been very welcomed into the community and so have my children. It's paradise, and I've been completely welcomed into the community, as have my children.
If I can't help my daughter with her homework, so be it. I will spin this as a positive: My daughter's Italian is so good, that soon enough, she'll be able to teach me.