My 15-year-old son just got his first college mail, and I'm not quite ready for what it means

• My 15-year-old son took the PSATs a few months ago and received a college brochure shortly after.
• While I'm not quite ready for him to go to college, I also want to help him through it.
• He doesn't seem ready to think about college, either, but that's OK. I'm here for him when he is.

When I had my kids, I daydreamed about the usual milestones — first words, first steps, kindergarten. But college? That felt too distant to even imagine what it would look or feel like. Time flies, as time does, and my oldest son took the PSATs a few months ago. I didn't give it much thought at the time. It was just another step on the academic checklist, another rite of passage that I went through, too.

Then, a glossy college brochure from the College of William & Mary landed in our mailbox, beckoning my son to consider a future somewhere other than in my home. At that moment, reality hit, and I felt the emotional punch of this season in my son's life. The same college mail that had once been exciting for me to receive in high school is now a vivid reminder that my "baby" is growing up. College is no longer a distant daydream for my son but an inevitable next step, creeping closer with every passing day.

I want to give him the guidance I didn't have

My college experience was far from traditional. I was the first in my family to go to college and I didn't have anyone to advise me beyond my overworked high school guidance counselor, and I don't want my son to second-guess his way through the process the way I did. The clock is ticking, and I feel like I need to encourage him to start thinking about the decisions that will shape his future and the life he wants for himself.

It's a tough balance, though. On the one hand, I want to enjoy the present when he's still figuring out who he is without the weight of big decisions hanging over him. But on the other hand, I can't ignore the reality that college is coming — fast.

Still, I find myself becoming his biggest hype-woman when the topic of college comes up (and I'm usually the one who is bringing it up). I'm already getting excited about potential college tours, talking to him about the pros and cons of big versus small campuses, urban versus rural settings, the importance of extracurriculars, and the practicality of having "safety" schools and "reach" schools. I want to get him thinking about the future and imagining the possibilities that lie ahead — and I want him to know I'll be with him every step of the way.

He doesn't quite seem ready yet, and that's OK

But here's the kicker — my son isn't thinking about college yet. At all. He is still trying to figure out what he wants to do this weekend, not contemplating where he wants to go to college in three years. Meanwhile, I'm quietly panicking as I try to figure out how to help him through this process without pushing him too hard or influencing his decisions too much. After all, he's only 15. He still has plenty of time to decide what he wants from his college experience — and I have plenty of time to get used to the idea.

I admit, I'm not entirely ready for this shift. It's not just about the college applications, the tests, the campus tours, and all of the decisions, both big and small — it's about acknowledging that my child is growing up, and my role as a parent is changing. He's not a little kid anymore, and I have to adjust to what that means, for both of us.

So, here I am, ready (and yet so not ready) to dive into the chaos of college prep and the inevitable pride I will feel when he's off to the college of his choice. And while I'm learning to let him go so he can live the life of his dreams, I'll be hanging on tight as I ride an emotional rollercoaster that I never saw coming.