My kids demand I buy them toys when we go to Target and throw a tantrum if I don't. I wonder where my parenting went so wrong.

• When my wife gave birth to our third kid, I took on the grocery shopping responsibility.
• That meant I had to take my two other sons to Target, and they often threw temper tantrums for toys.
• I wonder where my parenting went so wrong, as their behavior is ruining my relationship with them.

I'm the sole breadwinner of the family, but my wife just had our youngest baby, so I've recently also taken on more parenting and household responsibilities.

I thought my paternity leave would offer a fun time to bond with the kids as my wife nursed our newborn. But I was in for a rude awakening.

Activities like eating their meals and taking showers became challenging. But one of the most frustrating things was going grocery shopping. As the new person in the house who now took care of household chores, I was the one who now had to grocery shop.

At first, shopping at Target was something I saw as a bonding experience with my two boys, but I quickly learned that kids will take a mile when you give them an inch.

Shopping at Target with my 2 kids became chaotic and hurtful

Whenever I headed out to Target, my kids cried, wanting to come along. They successfully cried me into submission, and I figured it would be nice to bring my two sidekicks along. It also gave my wife a little break from the noise.

To make these shopping trips bearable for everyone, I often promised to buy my 8 and 9-year-olds anything they wanted. It was a small price to maintain sanity and get things done. I was thinking about buying extra snacks, a game here and there, and not making extravagant purchases.

I didn't realize that kids wanted everything eye-catching on the shelves. Saying no to their outlandish requests meant they'd throw temper tantrums in the store and get into screaming matches.

The toy section was especially my undoing. Often, the kids would want to get different versions of the same toys they had at home. When I didn't have money to spare, I got the occasional "I hate you," which broke my heart.

I vividly remember a complete meltdown over a Spider-Man doll collection that I didn't see the need to purchase, as my son had a similar one at home. Other shoppers had to intervene to calm him down, and it took us a long time to leave the store and return home. It was an embarrassing, hurtful, and eye-opening experience. Needless to say, he didn't get the toy.

Sometimes, I questioned myself and wondered whether I did a poor job raising my kids. Was their value system so messed up that they measured their love according to what I could purchase?

As these meltdowns went on for quite a while, shopping at Target became a devastating experience, and the happy-go-lucky relationship I once had with my kids was strained.

Communicating with my sons has helped somewhat

The situation was getting out of control, and I talked to my wife, who helped me find a way forward. She seemed to understand the kids better than I did. She reminded me that open communication is always the best path forward.

We eventually decided to sit down with my sons, discuss their bad behavior, try to understand their point of view, and continuously teach them not to place too much value on material things.

While some of these conversations were a struggle, other things we said hit home and opened up deeper discussions about finances and the fact that we all don't get everything we want in life. We also grounded them for the yelling and meltdowns, took away their toys, and revoked privileges for a while.

I've come to associate Target with negative feelings of failed parenting. Despite the great deals, I haven't shopped at the store for a while. It will take significant time and some healing for us to go back to our usual shopping routine. As they say, time's a healer.